1)Γιατί κλαις?
Γιατί; Δεν έχει γιατί! Επειδή! Έτσι!
2)Γιατί δεν κλαις?
Πολλές φορές θα ήθελα να μην, αλλά δεν τα καταφέρνω. Αισθηματίας γαρ.
3)Πού είναι ο βάλτος?
Δίπλα στο ρυάκι. Και πού είναι το ρυάκι; Δεν ξέρω. Να ρωτήσετε την Ειρήνη Χαρίτου.
4)Ποιός και που είναι ο δεσμοφύλακας?
Δεν ξέρω, αλλά εθεάθη σε γνωστό κετρικό καφεποτείο με τον ξάδερφό του τον στηθοδεσμοφύλακα.
5)Που συναντάς μια εντελώς δική σου άβυσσο?
Όταν μπαίνω στο σπίτι και βλέπω τα βουνά κουτών που περιμένουν να μεταφερθούν αλλού. Άλλωτε την συναντώ όταν κάνω μακροβούτι και πριν έρθω στην επιφάνεια για αέρα, σταματώ για μερικά δευτερόλεπτα για να ξύσω τα πτερύγιά μου.
6)Περιφρονείς κάτι?
Κάποιες φορές τον εαυτό μου κι αυτό δεν είναι καλό. Ευτυχώς σύντομα έρχομαι στα συγκαλά μου.
7)Θα ερωτευόσουν για πάντα?
Ω ναι! Το κάνω εδώ και 43 καλοκαίρια συνεχώς. [Και μη με ρωτήσει κανείς τι κάνω τις άλλες τρεις εποχές!]
8)Γιατί πουλιούνται τα "έργα τέχνης"?
Γιατί είναι πανάκριβα τα ζαρζαβατικά στην λαϊκή πλέον.
9)Μήπως να αφαιρεθούν τα εισαγωγικά στην παραπάνω ερώτηση?
Ναι, για να συμπεριληφθούν και τα φρούτα.
10)Do you remember revolution?
Ναι, το άκουγα στην διαπασών οδηγώντας σε μια αουτοστράντα στα εξωτερικά ώσπου το εμπέδωσα, μάζεψα τα μπογαλάκια μου και κολύμπησα προς το Αιγαίο.
11)Θα ανέβαινες σ' ένα βουνό,αν το επέβαλε το ωροσκόπιο σου?
Εξαρτάται αν ήταν από την Πατέρα ή την Παγιατάκη.
12)Θα σκότωνες τον παππού σου, αν το τζάμι δεν έσπαγε απ΄τον πάγο?
Εγκώ ντεν σκοτώσει το παππούλη. Παππούλι πέσει στο μαχαίρι μου δεκαπέντε φορές.
Το πάγο λιώσει από τζάμι που σπάσει όταν καφέ του παππούλη πέσει παράθυρο.
13)Θα μπορούσες να κλείσεις τα μάτια σου, αν η ζωή σου έστηνε καρτέρι ?
Θα έκλεινα μόνο το ένα γιατί το άλλο θα έστηνε κατρέρι σε κείνη!
14)Θα κυλούσε η πέτρα του θανάτου το πρωί, εάν δεν κινδυνεύατε να τιμωρηθείτε από το νόμο?
Γιατί, μόνο το πρωί κυλάει;
15) .........
$#^%@&^$%^
16) Θα εξετάζατε το ενδεχόμενο να διανύσετε μετά τα μεσάνυχτα απ' την αρχή μέχρι το τέλος την οδό Αχαρνών, αν γνωρίζατε ότι ποτέ δεν θα σας συλλάβουν?
Μα τι λες τώρα; Υπάρχει καλύτερο από πατσά στην Αχαρνών στις 5 τα ξημερώματα! Για όνομα!
17)Θα σκότωνες τον Μπους, αν σου χάριζαν 10 λαχταριστά εκλέρ?
Εκλέρ; Εκλέρ; ΜΜΜΜ ΜΜΜ ΜΜΜΜ... γιατί με ρωτάς την ώρα που πάσχω από υπογλυκαιμία; Εκλέρ; ΜΜΜ ΜΜΜ ΜΜΜ! Εμ, ποια ήταν η ερώτηση;
18)Θα μου έδειχνες τα σαπισμένα σου δόντια, αν έβλεπες μέσα τους τα αστέρια?
Α σε παρακαλώ! Εθίχθην! Πού είδες σαπισμένα δόντια; Εδώ διαθέτουμε το χαμόγελο της Κολγέιτ! Μη μου λες για σαπισμένα δόντια... κι ας έφαγα τα παραπάνω εκλέρ σε μια καθισιά!
19)Θα έπεφτες στο πηγάδι αν ήσουν θλιμμένος?
Υπάρχουν ακόμα πηγάδια; Θα προτιμούσα να έπεφτα στο υδρομασάζ με 21 ουράνιες παρθένες!
Showing posts with label CineChronicles. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CineChronicles. Show all posts
Sunday, 6 April 2008
Saturday, 17 November 2007
CineStef's Phreaky Phriday
8am - Alarm clock rings. "Ding dong! Ding dong!
8am - Alarm on Mobile #1 rings. "Danga dunga! Danga dunga!"
8am - Alarm on Mobile #2 rings. "S'exo kanei theo."
8am - CineStef presses Snooze Snooze Snooze.
8:05am - CineStef presses Snooze Snooze Snooze.
8:10am - CineStef presses Snooze Snooze Snooze.
8:15am - CineStef presses Snooze Snooze Snooze.
9:30am - CineStef is still pressing Snooze Snooze Snooze.
9:45am - CineStef walks CineDog. Picks up doggie-doo [twice].
10am - CineStef is driving to editing suite in Marousi.
10:01 - CineStef is told to go edit at 11am. He immediately calls girlfriend to go over for coffee.
10:20 - CineStef backs into girlfriend's driveway and slams car into building. Building decides not to fall on CineStef and CineCar this time.
11am - CineStef arrives at editing suite. Co-editor is away and CineStef waits 90 minutes outside.
12:30pm Co-editor arrives and CineStef realizes that there are no tapes to record edited show.
12:45 - CineStef parks car in front of Recording Studio in Bee-city to borrow a tape.
12:46 - CineStef watches his car roll down the hill. He runs after it, jumps in, slams break before car slams onto other car. Passerby thinks CineStef is a total idiot. CineStef agrees.
1pm - CineStef starts editing.
4pm - CineStef finishes editing. Realizes he is alone in suite and must carry huge video recorder down winding staircase, through the building and down to the parking lot. Cannot do it. Decides to go for help in next door offices.
He walks in and asks cute young receptionist for someone to help him carry the machine to car.
Cute young says she obviously can't help. CineStef yells out, "Thanx, but I need a man!"
25 office workers freeze and look at him with mouths open. CineStef blushes, realizes what he said, and apologetically adds, "...to help me carry that thing to car." He finds the help he needs.
4:30pm With machine in back seat, CineStef drives to Kiffisia to give other editor the office keys.
5pm CineStef is still waiting for other editor to show up. Other editor does not answer his phone.
5:30 - CineStef is still waiting like idiot in middle of street.
5:45 - CineStef sees other editor show up. Excuse CineStef hears: "Oops, sorry! I forgot you and I went shopping." CineStef realizes that puffs of steam are coming out of ears and nostrils.
5:46 - CineStef gets into National Highway thinking that he will quickly return to his office in Old Falirow. He drives to office at lightening speed of 10km an hour.
6:15pm - CineStef arrives at office and has associate with muscles carry machine to office.
6:16 - CineStef is informed that the show + subtitles have to be at television station by 7:30.
6:17 - CineStef gets a call from company executive about to board airplane. CineStef has to take pile of documents to airport by 7pm.
6:19 - CineStef gets in car for airport... and car won't start.
6:25 - CineCar starts.
6:55 - CineStef arrives at airport, gives documents to executive, wishes him a pleasant flight and gets on road for office.
7:15 - CineStef gets dizzy in car. Eats chocolate. (Ion, with whole almonds. His favourite.)
7:16 - CineStef gets call from muscle associate who has subtitled and taken tape to television station. CineStef gives a sigh of relief.
7:30 - CineStef arrives at office and decides to turn all machines off, turn lights off, lock up and leave. He dreams of meeting friends for mojitos/margaritas/martinis somewhere in Athens.
8pm - CineStef gets back down to street. Happy that he left early, he decides to give himself a present. He goes to patisserie for strawberry tart. Crosses the street and trips over Tram tracks. Instinctively, he looks to see if tram is coming. No tram is coming. Runs to patisseerie hoping that the cute young thing there will serve him. Cute young thing was not there to serve him. He gets strawberry tart anyway. He walks out to sidewalk and storm breaks out. Runs to car, gets himself and tart wet. Eats tart while driving home. Wears tart while driving home.
9pm - CineStef arrives in neighbourhood.
9:30 - CineStef finds a spot to park car.
9:32 - CineStef enters house, drops everything on floor, hugs dog. Tart decorates dog. Dog licks tart off fur and off CineStef's pants.
9:35 - CineStef throws clothes and dog in washing machine. Dog gets out of machine. Clothes stay. CineStef realizes that he has no detergent. "Fuck it," he says. Forgets laundry. Decides to turn PC on to get emails and do blogging.
9:40 - CineStef realizes that there is no internet.
9:41 - CineStef calls internet company.
10:30 - CineStef is still on hold. While waiting on the line, he washes dishes, takes shower, washes doggie's paws.
10:31 - CineStef says ancient Greek curse and zaps it to internet provider. He hangs up.
11pm - CineStef wonders if he ate at all during the day and if he got a chance to pee. He can't remember. Eats, just in case.
11:30 Cinestef blows steam by doing his own rendition of his favourite Dreamgirl, conducts Mahler's 5th and Beethoven's 9th. Listens to jazz, Donizetti and one song by Marinella. [He wonders why.] Watches Spiderman 3, falls asleep on couch until CineDog decides to use him as a pillow.
1am - CineStef wakes up, realizes that it's Saturday, drinks some juice, takes CineDog alla bracetta, climbs to bed and gets lost under a million blankets, happy that Phriday is now a memory.
3am - CineDog tap dances on CineStef's face. He turns to the other side and ignores the paw can-can.
3:01 - CineStef promises himself that if the internet ever comes back, he will write a post for the day he lived, hoping that all who wondered where he was and what he was doing... will now know why and where...
...he was and what he was doing.
8am - Alarm on Mobile #1 rings. "Danga dunga! Danga dunga!"
8am - Alarm on Mobile #2 rings. "S'exo kanei theo."
8am - CineStef presses Snooze Snooze Snooze.
8:05am - CineStef presses Snooze Snooze Snooze.
8:10am - CineStef presses Snooze Snooze Snooze.
8:15am - CineStef presses Snooze Snooze Snooze.
9:30am - CineStef is still pressing Snooze Snooze Snooze.
9:45am - CineStef walks CineDog. Picks up doggie-doo [twice].
10am - CineStef is driving to editing suite in Marousi.
10:01 - CineStef is told to go edit at 11am. He immediately calls girlfriend to go over for coffee.
10:20 - CineStef backs into girlfriend's driveway and slams car into building. Building decides not to fall on CineStef and CineCar this time.
11am - CineStef arrives at editing suite. Co-editor is away and CineStef waits 90 minutes outside.
12:30pm Co-editor arrives and CineStef realizes that there are no tapes to record edited show.
12:45 - CineStef parks car in front of Recording Studio in Bee-city to borrow a tape.
12:46 - CineStef watches his car roll down the hill. He runs after it, jumps in, slams break before car slams onto other car. Passerby thinks CineStef is a total idiot. CineStef agrees.
1pm - CineStef starts editing.
4pm - CineStef finishes editing. Realizes he is alone in suite and must carry huge video recorder down winding staircase, through the building and down to the parking lot. Cannot do it. Decides to go for help in next door offices.
He walks in and asks cute young receptionist for someone to help him carry the machine to car.
Cute young says she obviously can't help. CineStef yells out, "Thanx, but I need a man!"
25 office workers freeze and look at him with mouths open. CineStef blushes, realizes what he said, and apologetically adds, "...to help me carry that thing to car." He finds the help he needs.
4:30pm With machine in back seat, CineStef drives to Kiffisia to give other editor the office keys.
5pm CineStef is still waiting for other editor to show up. Other editor does not answer his phone.
5:30 - CineStef is still waiting like idiot in middle of street.
5:45 - CineStef sees other editor show up. Excuse CineStef hears: "Oops, sorry! I forgot you and I went shopping." CineStef realizes that puffs of steam are coming out of ears and nostrils.
5:46 - CineStef gets into National Highway thinking that he will quickly return to his office in Old Falirow. He drives to office at lightening speed of 10km an hour.
6:15pm - CineStef arrives at office and has associate with muscles carry machine to office.
6:16 - CineStef is informed that the show + subtitles have to be at television station by 7:30.
6:17 - CineStef gets a call from company executive about to board airplane. CineStef has to take pile of documents to airport by 7pm.
6:19 - CineStef gets in car for airport... and car won't start.
6:25 - CineCar starts.
6:55 - CineStef arrives at airport, gives documents to executive, wishes him a pleasant flight and gets on road for office.
7:15 - CineStef gets dizzy in car. Eats chocolate. (Ion, with whole almonds. His favourite.)
7:16 - CineStef gets call from muscle associate who has subtitled and taken tape to television station. CineStef gives a sigh of relief.
7:30 - CineStef arrives at office and decides to turn all machines off, turn lights off, lock up and leave. He dreams of meeting friends for mojitos/margaritas/martinis somewhere in Athens.
8pm - CineStef gets back down to street. Happy that he left early, he decides to give himself a present. He goes to patisserie for strawberry tart. Crosses the street and trips over Tram tracks. Instinctively, he looks to see if tram is coming. No tram is coming. Runs to patisseerie hoping that the cute young thing there will serve him. Cute young thing was not there to serve him. He gets strawberry tart anyway. He walks out to sidewalk and storm breaks out. Runs to car, gets himself and tart wet. Eats tart while driving home. Wears tart while driving home.
9pm - CineStef arrives in neighbourhood.
9:30 - CineStef finds a spot to park car.
9:32 - CineStef enters house, drops everything on floor, hugs dog. Tart decorates dog. Dog licks tart off fur and off CineStef's pants.
9:35 - CineStef throws clothes and dog in washing machine. Dog gets out of machine. Clothes stay. CineStef realizes that he has no detergent. "Fuck it," he says. Forgets laundry. Decides to turn PC on to get emails and do blogging.
9:40 - CineStef realizes that there is no internet.
9:41 - CineStef calls internet company.
10:30 - CineStef is still on hold. While waiting on the line, he washes dishes, takes shower, washes doggie's paws.
10:31 - CineStef says ancient Greek curse and zaps it to internet provider. He hangs up.
11pm - CineStef wonders if he ate at all during the day and if he got a chance to pee. He can't remember. Eats, just in case.
11:30 Cinestef blows steam by doing his own rendition of his favourite Dreamgirl, conducts Mahler's 5th and Beethoven's 9th. Listens to jazz, Donizetti and one song by Marinella. [He wonders why.] Watches Spiderman 3, falls asleep on couch until CineDog decides to use him as a pillow.
1am - CineStef wakes up, realizes that it's Saturday, drinks some juice, takes CineDog alla bracetta, climbs to bed and gets lost under a million blankets, happy that Phriday is now a memory.
3am - CineDog tap dances on CineStef's face. He turns to the other side and ignores the paw can-can.
3:01 - CineStef promises himself that if the internet ever comes back, he will write a post for the day he lived, hoping that all who wondered where he was and what he was doing... will now know why and where...
...he was and what he was doing.
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